Bringing Siblings into the Family

I remember when Em was born, and we brought her home. I think bringing your first born home (or if you are lucky, birthing them in your home) is so different from your second, or second and third. You know more what you are doing and what to expect. My biggest concern with the twins being born was how it was going to effect Em and how we were going to make it work. So I made a lot of preparations for blending the twins into our family and that's what I really want to talk about. (Em was 27 mos when the boys were born.)

Throughout my pregnancy Em and I talked a lot. We talked about having brothers, and what babies need, and talked about things that would happen when the babies arrived. I read the books  "Beyond Sibling Rivalry" by Peter Goldenthal and "Siblings Without Rivalry" by Adele Fabler and I feel like they helped me to prepare. I also always referred to them as her brothers. Even still she calls them "her babies".

I also bought a gift for the boys to give her when they were born. It was just a little wooden dollhouse that I found on clearance at Walmart but it was a really big deal to her. It also gave her something new and exciting to do since the boys required so much of my time...time that she was used to getting. She still, 14 months later, thanks her brothers for her doll house. It's really sweet.

When the boys came home from the hospital all they did was pretty much eat and sleep...as new babies do.

Sleep can be tricky when you have three little ones. When you have a new baby you can nap when baby is napping but with three that's not always the case. The most helpful thing for getting everyone sleeping and napping around the same time has been swaddling. The twins napped off and on throughout the day but at night, and when Em napped I would swaddle them. (I love the miracle blanket) That is what got them used to our little schedule. Of course everyone is individuals and everyone gets tired at different times, or sleeps different amounts of times but this at least gets you set up with everyone sleeping CLOSE to the same times.

Another important tip regarding sleep would be to make a big deal out of when your babies are sleeping and your toddler is not. It's hard at first because toddlers don't always quite understand about not waking babies. They may even want to wake the babies to act out because they are having a hard time learning to share you. This was incredibly frustrating at first. But for a long time whenever I would finally get both boys down I would exclaim "It's Mommy & Em time!" and make sure I did something with me and her. Sometimes that meant we read books or played with her toys together and other times that meant that I would snuggle up with her on the couch, turn on PBS, and drift in and out of consciousnesses. I'm certainly not telling you this because I am proud of it! Just being real.  And I always made sure to tell her that we had to be careful not to wake the babies or we would have to stop whatever fun thing we were doing.

Getting everyone and yourself sleeping is tricky but getting everyone fed is a lot of work too.

When we first came home from the hospital after my twins had a few weeks stay in the NICU, F had a lot of issues with nipple confusion. This meant that I was constantly concerned with feeding. I felt like all I did was give F his bottle, then breastfeed D, then pump for F's next bottle, then start all over again. It took up ALL MY TIME until I was finally able to get F off of bottles around 6 weeks.

If you know me, you know I'm not big on filling my house full of toys. But that being said I highly highly recommend making some busy bags or quiet time bins to be pulled out during nursing to entertain your toddler. Switch them out often so there is always something new and exciting to do. You can also keep a small basket of books in each room so that you can always read to your toddler during nursing sessions too. And then there is my secret weapon & last resort (Barnes and Noble's Online Story Time). Thank you Eric Carle for reading to my toddler when I just cant muster it!

And last but not least if you can, prepare yourself  emotionally. For me the first year has been a time of extreme sacrifice. I think that it can be with just one new baby but with two new babies and a toddler it gets pretty crazy.

I know I've had unique circumstances. My husband was working 12 hour night shifts and then coming home and sleeping (I was only seeing him for 2 hours a day for a large portion of the first year...not including weekends thankfully.) And then we live so far away from my family and friends and his family, although close by can not be much help.

Even with a lot of help I know it has to be hard. So prepare yourself for not a lot of sleep, a messy house, not enough time to really cook, not enough me time, and at the same time an amazing- life changing experience. It goes by crazy fast... the days will creep by sometimes but the months will fly. Things change a lot after that first hard year and it does it easier!

I'm linking up with Mother's of Multiples Mondays

Birthing Twins Naturally

 If you haven't read it yet, you can read all about my twin pregnancy here.

(I should have known I was about to go into labor. My face was so swollen. Actually I kind of hate this photo. I look so miserable in it. ha!)

I was closing in on end the thirty-fourth week of my pregnancy. I decided I needed a few new nursing bra's before the babies came so we went to the mall. Motherhood Maternity was right inside the entrance but apparently even that was too far. I came home so sore and tired. Being pregnant with twins is intense y'all.

I tried to take a bath. Tried being the key word since my knees and feet were pretty much the only thing that fit into the tub. I remember wishing so badly that we could go down the street to my inlaws hot tub. I was just so sore. I had already lost a little mucus at 31 weeks and that night I lost some more.

I knew the boys would be coming soon but I had hoped on waiting it out a week and a bit longer. At 36 weeks my midwives could deliver them. That evening my husband and I went through the boys things and talked about what we would want to bring along with us to the birthing center.

The next morning I woke up with mild period like cramps. I recognized this feeling from E's birth as the very early labor, but since I did not want to start labor yet we jumped in the car and raced straight to the birthing center to stop it. The birthing center was fourty-five minutes away (which was nothing compared to the two hours I drove for E's birth). We arrived and I was checked and found to be at 5cm. I was shocked. I was about 5cm during E's birth when I bit my husband (something I am sure to never live down). This was much more mild. We did everything we could to stop labor. They had some herbal drops that they were giving me and they even called their homeopathic doctor who had them give me something...it may have been pulsatilla but I was so out of it I didn't notice.

Nothing stopped labor. The boys were coming. My midwives (Molly & Emily) called their back up OBGYN who agreed to meet us at the hospital. I briefly considered jumping into the birthing tub and not consenting to be moved but there was no way for us to know if the boys lungs had fully developed yet. We got into the car to drive the two hours to the hospital where the OB would deliver my twins (with baby A breech) naturally.  Molly rode with us and Emily followed in her car.

Click here for info on breech being just another variation of normal.

I felt a lot of pressure on the drive and communicated what I was feeling as we drove. Molly asked me if I needed her to find a closer hospital but I knew that meant automatic C-section. I told her no that I was going to Dr. Cummings and for my husband to keep driving. I was not that concerned about birthing in the car. I had an excellent midwife and my husband who was EMT certified with me. At one point in time I was so miserable because I had to pee so badly. There was no way I could have stopped and made it in the bathroom so my midwife pulled out a disposable pad to put under me and I peed in the car on that. (I almost didn't admit that, but it is part of my story)

We arrived at the hospital around 2pm. A nurse picked me up at the curb and wheeled me away from my husband and my midwife towards the room. I kept asking her to wait but as you will soon find out she was not a very patient or considerate nurse. This part was all so surreal. This was not where I wanted to be, or felt was safest, or most conducive to a normal, natural birth.

I remember going to the bathroom again and being given a hospital gown to wear. Then I was put in the bed where they strapped a monitor to me. I was also administered an IV. They told me over and over again to lay on my back and I ignored them every time. Not only is it the most uncomfortable position to be in but it is also the worst position you can be in for labor. Meanwhile my impatient nurse, named America, asked me a million questions. She did not care that I was experiencing intense contractions or rushes. She would not wait for me to finish and she would not allow my husband to answer for me. I was so thankful to have my awesome midwives with me. They acted as doulas and helped me manage the rushes by kneading my lower back and gripping my foot. They took great care of me.  I also remembered something that my doula at E's birth had said. During a particularly intense rush she told me "to just follow it all the way through". It was so helpful at the time so I just kept saying it to myself. ( see what a good investment a doula is? they not only help you through the birth that you hire them for but also through the ones after that.)

At some point in time a nurse came in and insisted that I have an x-ray done so they could tell exactly where the babies were. I thought this was absolutely ridiculous and a terrible thing to do to my babies but I really was given an ultimatum. Do this or they would not deliver them. I hate hospitals. I really do. They did the x-ray. Twice actually because the stupid techs screwed it up the first time. The boys were exactly where my midwives told them they were which they found out by palpating.

Finally Dr. Cummings came in. They said it was time and got ready to transport me to the OR since that is where they deliver twins. The nurses would allow me nothing to drink so everytime they left I had Nate hand me my big cup of water. This was yet another stupid hospital policy that I was not about to fall victim to. But I knew that I couldn't sneak anything while in the OR. So I asked Dr. Cummings for something and he told America to get me some ice chips. This was very satisfying because she had just told me that I could have nothing.

America told me in the OR I would have to lay flat on my back. Dr. Cummings is awesome though. I asked if I could lay on my side until my water broke and he allowed me to do that. There are a lot of benefits to keeping your bag of water intact until just before the baby is born and all that vitamin C I took really payed off by making that possible.

At 3:02 (just an hour after we had arrived at the hospital) F, my baby A, was born. He was born frank breech. He came into this world balls first. He had a little trouble breathing at first and was given a bit of oxygen. He never needed assistance breathing but because he gave them a little scare with the breathing they took him straight to the NICU. I didn't even get to see him. I could hear him crying and I was worried about him ,but I didn't have much chance to think about that.

When F was born, D moved down the birth canal. In doing this he had a bit of cord prolapse. His heart rate was still fine (although one nurse picked up my heart rate and flipped until the other nurse showed her the mistake). This was a bit tricky. A lot of OB's probably would have sectioned me right then and there, but not Dr. Cummings. He explained to me that he would break D's bag of waters, reach in and manually move the cord out of the way, and then I would have to push D out as quickly as possible. This was far from pleasant but made a lot of sense to me. I stayed very calm and trusted God, Dr. Cummings, and my body. I know that this was painful but I don't really remember that. I remember feeling a lot of pressure on my bladder and I told him that. He assured me that was normal.

Actually the most horrible part of it all was the nurses who gathered around and screamed at me to push. They were telling me that I was doing it wrong and they were encouraging me to purple push (or to hold my breath while pushing which is not good and can result in broken blood vessels in the mother and tearing of the perinum). Thank God I knew better. I wish that I could have gotten out of my head and screamed at them to shut the hell up. I wanted to so badly but I was too busy working hard to get this baby out. Dr. Cummings knew this was wrong I imagine because he instructed Emily (who had been at my feet) to get closer to my head so I could hear her instructions to me. I remember squeezing Nate's hand and the poor anesthesiologists hand.

At 3:12, nine minutes after F, D was born. Both boys weighed 5lbs 5 oz. They took him and did all of the things they do when babies are born, swaddled him up tight, and let my husband hold him, before they took him to the NICU also. He was taken to the NICU because he had low blood sugar. This is extra annoying because letting baby lay skin to skin on their mother's chest helps regulate blood sugar after birth. Also allowing him to nurse would have been ideal. But they whisked him away and left me to deliver the placentas.

At this point in time the anesthesiologist looked at me and said, "I'm hooking up the pitocin now.".  I was shocked. I just birthed 2 babies naturally without anything. I didn't need pitocin to birth the placentas or to stop any bleeding. I said "no thank you.". I don't know why I was so polite. I'll blame my southern roots. She looked shocked that I had rejected the drugs though. Dr. Cummings okayed my decision and everything was fine.

I remember feeling freezing as I was wheeled out of the OR. I was thankful for the heated blankets. Upon returning to the delivery room I asked America if I could go to the bathroom. I needed to pee so badly.But she told me no, that I didn't actually need to pee. It felt so weird to be without the babies I had just birthed. I asked to go to them but they wouldn't let me.

I was finally taken to my room in the maternity ward and finally allowed to get up to pee when the nurse there couldn't even feel my uterus because my bladder was so full. Around 5:30 I was finally allowed to go to the NICU to see my boys. I was not allowed to hold them as they didn't want to stress them. Which is the biggest bunch of bullshit ,but I digress. They were told that they needed to stay because their blood sugar was low. However they would not let them nurse as they did not know if they would be able to suck, swallow, breathe. Of course how can you know if you don't let them try? They were given a gavage tube and donor breastmilk.

I had a terrible time with the NICU.  I will write about that later because it really is it's own story.

So I fought for my boys to have a natural birth and they did. I was very disappointed by the way everyone treated us in the hospital except for the OBGYN himself. I also knew what birth could should be and I know what hospitals do wrong so that in itself has given me a different outlook on a lot of things. (If you are interested...which really you should be if you plan on birthing in the US...I recommend watching "The Business of Being Born" and reading "Pushed " by Jennifer Block )

You can watch the trailer for TBoBB here and you can watch the whole thing on Netflix Instant watch.

This week I am linking up with  For MOMs by MOMs: Pregnancy With Twins. So be sure to head over there to read more twin pregnancy and birth stories.

My Twin Pregnancy

December 20, 2010

I was 20 weeks into my second pregnancy.

This pregnancy had been quite different from my first. Before I had gotten pregnant this time around E & I had been walking four miles everyday. So when I found out that I was expecting I didn't stop. But then I just couldn't do it anymore. Our last walk was maybe a mile and I was so light headed I called Crunchy Dad (or CD from now on) to meet us at the end of the driveway. Another weird thing about this pregnancy was that my hair didn't stop shedding. That was a little scary to me because I knew it was going to fall out again after the baby came. I was lucky to hardly have any nausea or morning sickness. But the hardest part of this pregnancy so far had been finding a good midwife.

At this point in time CD had not found a good job around here. So I was on Medicaid. Fortunately there were quite a few midwives around here that take medicaid so I went on a tour of DFW birthing centers. And did not find a single midwife that I really liked. Some were worse than others but I ended up going with the closest one.

She was a really interesting midwife. She was a CNM and her birthing center looked like Cracker Barrel threw up. Seriously one of the birthing rooms was teddy bear themed...and had a shelf full of stuffed bears. But the worst of it was that she had a student. And her student did everything while she sat at a table in another room and did paperwork.

So back to December 20, 2010

I'm laying on the bed in the birthing center, the ultrasound equipment hooked up, and we see this...

And before the tech says anything we both know. He says, "I hope that you are in a good mood." And in a matter of moments everything has changed. There are two healthy boys, both measuring a little small, but that's normal for twins we are told. Then we are whisked into the midwife's office...where she, the nurse, and her student try to ease the shock while also dropping me as a client. They don't know another midwife who will take me outside of hospital and in the hospital I would be required to deliver in the Operating Room. I made a comment about going to Ina Mae Gaskin's farm to birth and they look at me like I grew a third head. 

It was such a hard day. I cried a lot. I even called my wonderful midwife in Tennessee that helped me deliver Em. She told me a story about a birth she attended with Ina Mae that was so encouraging. I owe a lot to this woman. Because of her my daughter's birth was magical. Through that positive experience she taught me that I could do this.(I owe that to my sweet doula too.) After talking to her I felt better. I was still pretty scared and depressed but I was more empowered.

I ended up finding a really amazing midwife that was even closer to me than the first. Medicaid would not pay for her but it was worth it to me to have such good, respectful care. I am so glad that I did. She immediately directed me towards a high protein diet (120 grams a day), celtic sea salt, and vitamin c.

I saw almost immediate results in upping my protein. My first ultrasound showed my twins being small for their age (with baby B being smaller than baby A), which I was told was normal. Subsequent visits showed them being the same size and right on target. It was great to see my hard work paying off.

 Diet is something often very overlooked by providers during pregnancy but is imperative if you want to have a natural twin birth. If you are pregnant with twins and are looking for that kind of information check out Amanda's post on it. This is the best source of that kind of info that I've seen on the internet.

Another reason I am so thankful for my midwife is because I developed PUPPS. It's a terrible, itchy, make your life miserable kind of rash. The worst part of it is that most OB's do not know how to treat it. If you don't believe me just google it. They say you are stuck with it for the remainder of your pregnancy. That's simply not true. What is true is that drugs will not help. My midwife knew what to do. So within a week of following her advice the PUPPS were gone. (that's another blog post I need to write)

One of my babies was breech and that was another issue that I dealt with. Sadly many OB's are not even taught how to deliver breech naturally anymore, but many  that do consider breech "another variation of normal".  I urge you to do your own research. No holds your or your babies best interest as highly as you do.

Here is a great article about why C-sections are not always the best option for a breech birth.


If your baby is breech I personally recommend seeking out a provider who is experienced and supportive of breech birth. It is always good to have a back up because it is worth changing providers to avoid unnecessary risks, in my opinion. Then try moving your baby. The best resource I have found on this is www.spinningbabies.com
We did try moving my breech baby with the webster technique, pulsatilla, and moxibustion. 
He did turn, but he turned back. In the end he was changing position almost daily. 

Last but not least if you are pregnant (especially with twins) I highly recommend chiropractic care. Your pelvis and joints can so easily get out of alignment while pregnant and even more so while carrying two babies. Also carrying twins was a lot more uncomfortable than carrying a singleton and my chiropractor helped a lot. Here is some more info on that.

I made it to thirty-four (almost thirty-five weeks). You can read about my natural twin birth here.